Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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