U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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