I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
