Texts From Last Night

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  (626): View more from California

  I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"

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  (626): I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text" http://tfl.nu/ij6d
  Replies (9) Good night (1685) Bad night (4539)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market

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  (919): yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market http://tfl.nu/5w22
  Replies (7) Good night (3787) Bad night (1293)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.

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  (316): Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary. http://tfl.nu/cfqj
  Replies (14) Good night (2512) Bad night (1411)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married

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  (314): My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married http://tfl.nu/9bud
  Replies (11) Good night (802) Bad night (2264)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.

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  (617): he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes. http://tfl.nu/atub
  Replies (9) Good night (588) Bad night (2534)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.

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  (330): We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar. http://tfl.nu/vjyg
  Replies (6) Good night (2234) Bad night (846)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning

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  (206): He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning http://tfl.nu/5k1e
  Replies (9) Good night (1723) Bad night (669)
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  (818): View more from California

  WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD

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  (818): WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD http://tfl.nu/zdjc
  Replies (10) Good night (1178) Bad night (546)
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  "I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."

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  (219): "I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance." http://tfl.nu/fhmo
  Replies (6) Good night (813) Bad night (401)
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  (606): View more from Kentucky

  And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"

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  (606): And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?" http://tfl.nu/s0we
  Replies (4) Good night (572) Bad night (378)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"

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  (306): no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out" http://tfl.nu/r386
  Replies (2) Good night (311) Bad night (408)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.

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  (515): They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then. http://tfl.nu/zjn9
  Replies (1) Good night (458) Bad night (627)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.

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  (416): As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night. http://tfl.nu/8qxz
  Replies (2) Good night (502) Bad night (228)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.

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  (206): Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea. http://tfl.nu/ydnj
  Replies (1) Good night (432) Bad night (201)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED

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  (615): I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies. (931): BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED http://tfl.nu/1csz
  Replies (2) Good night (773) Bad night (223)

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