Texts From Last Night

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  (228): View more from Mississippi

  two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.

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  (228): two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter. http://tfl.nu/ayzd
  Replies (26) Good night (878) Bad night (3867)
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  (434): View more from Virginia

  KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.

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  (434): KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS. http://tfl.nu/51z5
  Replies (24) Good night (5254) Bad night (868)
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  (415): View more from California

  did we hook up?

  (925): View more from California

  no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt

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  (415): did we hook up? (925): no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt http://tfl.nu/pm3u
  Replies (30) Good night (1059) Bad night (6509)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.

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  (305): I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me. http://tfl.nu/06ls
  Replies (21) Good night (5643) Bad night (2217)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.

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  (402): The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier. http://tfl.nu/7vbg
  Replies (8) Good night (853) Bad night (3408)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club

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  (717): he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club http://tfl.nu/6yea
  Replies (8) Good night (5444) Bad night (1159)
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  (518): View more from New York

  i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock

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  (518): i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock http://tfl.nu/9mlf
  Replies (9) Good night (6650) Bad night (1121)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!

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  (732): He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love! http://tfl.nu/kaje
  Replies (9) Good night (4871) Bad night (988)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner

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  (330): I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner http://tfl.nu/m02y
  Replies (7) Good night (2087) Bad night (1389)
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  (936): View more from Texas

  uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.

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  (936): uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again. http://tfl.nu/cxza
  Replies (8) Good night (894) Bad night (1887)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?

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  (330): Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship? http://tfl.nu/gnhb
  Replies (1) Good night (914) Bad night (333)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.

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  (702): You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe. http://tfl.nu/iy8l
  Replies (7) Good night (1360) Bad night (369)
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  (718): View more from New York

  I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on

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  (718): I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on http://tfl.nu/z8s8
  Replies (4) Good night (605) Bad night (439)
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  (530): View more from California

  FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood

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  (530): FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood http://tfl.nu/brn4
  Replies (5) Good night (676) Bad night (494)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?

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  (832): If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me? http://tfl.nu/3f6r
  Replies (5) Good night (641) Bad night (367)

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