FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
i need some magic done to my vagina
Sorry about my life...
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth