I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
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