Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.