Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
