I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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