What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
