He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
