So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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