i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
