Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
