What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
