I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
