put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.