My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
