wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?