New invention idea: vibrating tampons
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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