dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
