Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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