So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just found a bag of teeth...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
