He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
