your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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