i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
