I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
