No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
