I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
