we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
