Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Randomize
