is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
