when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
