I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just gift wrapped bread.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
