Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
