it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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