you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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