I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
