who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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