So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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