Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
she told me i tasted like america
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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