Whod you bang
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
