four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
