can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
