It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
