I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
