I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
