All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
