remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
