I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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