It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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