Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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