just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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