hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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