walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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