I will die if light touches me.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I got inside last night via doggy door
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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