Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
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