Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
