If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
