What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
