imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
