Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
