it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
