a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
