my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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