You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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