i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
