hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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