the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
