Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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