weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
