and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
