You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
