He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
