I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.