If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
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