We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
