considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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