I faked an abortion last night.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
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