the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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