goodnight i made you a song goodbye
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
