My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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