Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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