I'm drive I can fine osifer
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Randomize
