I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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