alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I need a beard to bite.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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