sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
sex in a hospital.. check
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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